Overcome Your Need to be a People Pleaser

I am definitely a recovering people pleaser, and if there were meetings, I would be chapter president. Everyone with me "Hi, Jessie!" People pleasing can be a difficult habit to break, but it's important for your own mental and emotional health. Living your life for yourself and staying true to what you believe in is such a major part of finding your happiness and enjoying your life.

There are a few things that I have found are helpful.

Recognize the Problem

The first step to stopping people pleasing is to recognize that you have a problem. Acknowledge that you are constantly worrying about what others think and that you are not putting your own needs first. This can manifest itself in so many ways and in different ways for different people in your life. You can usually spot it when you find your anxiety creeping in when you're trying to do something.

Set Boundaries

You have to learn to say the hardest word in the English language: No. It's important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. To build some momentum, start small by saying "no" to small requests and work up to bigger ones. This will help you build your confidence and conviction about saying no to more difficult things.

Practice Self-Care

Take care of yourself both physically and mentally. This can include things like exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. Taking care of yourself will help boost your confidence and make it easier to say "no" when necessary.

Learn to be Assertive

Being assertive means standing up for yourself and your needs in a respectful way. Practice being assertive by expressing your opinions and feelings clearly and calmly. Women in our society are taught to look pretty and spoke only when spoken to, and as you know, I am not about that life in any way. We are not taught how to be assertive so this will be uncomfortable, but it is also a muscle that will gain strength over time - practice makes perfect!

Identify Your Values

Knowing what is important to you can help you make decisions that align with your values. When you are faced with a decision, ask yourself if it aligns with your values and priorities. This will also help you to speak up and be assertive when you need to be. Understanding what drives you and what you believe in will be the backbone of your newfound confidence.

Find Support

Surround yourself with people who support you and your decisions. Talk to trusted friends or family members about your struggles with people pleasing. Find people who share your same values and convictions. They will help you to find your voice and support you as you grow.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you stay present and focused on your own needs. Try practicing mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. I find that by centering myself everyday it makes it easier to roll with the punches when I'm caught off guard and want to slip into old habits.

Remember, breaking the habit of people pleasing takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. We are all a work in progress and recognizing that you want to live your life for yourself is a major step towards happiness in all areas of your life.